Matty Jackson and the Magic People's Pretty Rock
by George Weasley
Summary: This story is about what would have happened if my friend's little brother Matty went to Hogwarts instead of Harry Potter. A complete spoof on HP & the Sorceror's Stone. It's funny, so R&R.
1. The Boy Who Has Absolutely Nothing to Do...

This chapter has pretty much nothing to do with the story, so I'll have the next one up in a few hours.  
  
Matty Jackson and the Magic People's Rock  
  
By George and Fred Weasley  
  
Chapter 1- The Boy Who Has Absolutely Nothing to do With This Story  
  
Once upon a time, in a place called Godric's Hollow, there was a small boy born into the world by the name of Harry Potter. He was the son of Lily and James Potter and was one of the greatest wizards of his time. He brought the Dark Lord to his knees when he was only an infant, while his parents were killed by a mere wave of his wand. Harry was untouched except for the thin, bolt-shaped scar on his forehead. While Harry's fame spread throughout the world, the boy knew nothing of it- as he was sent to live with his cruel aunt and uncle for eleven years.   
  
Harry had messy black hair, knobby knees, long legs, and an often broken pair of glasses. His Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon often thought no better of him than the common garden fly, and his cousin Dudley often swatted him like one. His entire wizard heritage- kept a secret from him. His aunt and uncle had always told him that he had fallen victim to a car crash, and had been the only survivor. And Harry lived under the stairs for eleven painful years.  
  
But soon Harry would encounter the truth. He would go on to do great things, such as retrieve the Sorcerer's Stone, discover the hidden Chamber of Secrets, rescue his godfather from the Dementors, emerge victorious from the Triwizard Cup Challenge, and possesses great abilities to play Qudditch. Even the greatest wizards revered Harry Potter. Harry was honored enough to have his own little trading card inside a Chocolate Frog's wrapper.  
  
But, due to a ripple in the fabric of space-time continuum, Harry Potter, consequently, has absolutely no relevance in this story.  



	2. The Reign and Terror of Matty Jackson

For those of you who didn't read the preview, Matty is my friend Stephen's younger brother. He is extremely stupid and extremely annoying. Almost everything he says or does in this fic he has said or done in real life. Matty is a creature of Satan. This story is about what would happen if he went to Hogwarts instead of Harry Potter. This will be a complete spoof on HP & the Sorceror's Stone.   
  
  
  
Matty Jackson and the Magic People's Pretty Rock  
  
By George and Fred Weasley  
  
Chapter 2- The Reign and Terror of Matty Jackson  
  
For eleven years, Matty Jackson tormented the Jackson family. He drove most of them to insanity, and they were the lucky ones. The ones that still maintained control had to put up with his strange animal noises and his Dragonball Z fixation. In fact, the family feared him so, that they spent all of their days hiding in a cupboard under the stairs.  
  
Though Matty occasionally did suffer a sound thrashing from his big brother Stephen, few could break the barrier of whining and wailing, and even if they did, none wanted to come in contact with his grimy skin, and that often saved Matty from getting his @$$ kicked.  
  
Matty had thrown many a fit: Toys 'R Us, stranded on a boat, and the most infamous, the Kentucky Derby, in which the Jacksons even needed assistance from the staff to pry him off the ground, while he was screaming, "I wanna go home! I wanna go home!"  
  
And early one morning, actually, early every morning, little Matty barged into Stephen's room yelling, "Steppy!"(he couldn't pronounce Stephen) "I wanna play Contendo!"(he couldn't pronounce Nintendo either).  
  
Stephen rubbed his eyes drowsily, turned over, and muttered in his sleep.  
  
Matty climbed onto the bed, and repeatedly jumped up and down on Stephen's stomach. As Stephen gasped for air, Matty continued yelling, "I wanna play Contendo! I wanna play Contendo!"  
  
And he would not stop until Stephen reluctantly agreed to let him play Contendo-er, Nintendo.  
  
Matty, of course, got clobbered by a lowly goomba.  
  
And as Stephen tried to sneak downstairs to go back to sleep, Matty cried out, "Steppy! Watch me play!"  
  
And Stephen slowly pushed himself back up the stairs before Matty could do any more damage to his eardrums. But he had barely reached the playroom when Matty turned off the Nintendo and ran down the stairs screaming, "Steppy! Pour me a drink!"  
  
And the day went on like this. Alas, Matty did not need a wand to perform the "Avada Kedavra" spell.  
  
But one day was different from all of the others. Of course it began the same way, but everyone knew that it wouldn't be the same when Mrs. Jackson said, "Guess what? We're going to the zoo!"  
  
At this Matty began running around the house screaming, "Yaaaaaaaay!!!" and raising his usual hell.  
  
What Matty did not know, though, was that the Jacksons had plans for him. The zoo had made a replica of Matty's natural habitat (the sewer) and there they would study him and put him on display. They were intrigued that something that so closely resembled a baboon could have such low intelligence.  
  
When they made it to the zoo, everything was going fine. The family heard a few scared whimpers from Matty crossing the lion display, but had to literally drag him through the fluffy pink bunny display.  
  
The Jackson's next stop before meeting the zookeeper was the reptile house. There were snakes and iguanas in glass cages covering every inch of the room, and Matty was amazed. Of course, he was also caught up in singing "I Know a Song That Gets On Everybody's Nerves." And of course Matty's singing voice was so eerily horrible that all of the glass cages shattered and all the snakes started slithering away, their leathery skin and slimy scales brushing past Matty until he was no longer amazed, but rather terrified. He let out a loud, loud scream, which broke even more glass.   
  
And after this mess, the zoo refused to keep Matty. They had lost two boa constrictors and a king python, and had to pay for new cages. They decided to display sewer rats instead of Matty, their reason being that sewer rats were much better looking and had less of a chance of contaminating the customers.  
  
And that's when the Jacksons realized that today was not different from any other day (okay, I'll admit it, I lied before). It was the same thing all over again: Matty doing something incredibly stupid that ends up ruining their lives even more. Yes, this day was no different from the others.  



End file.
